The Paul Ryan Of Rap: Macklemore is Korny

Wassup guys?

I haven’t blogged in a while, being busy being outchea and all, but I just had to put pen to paper for this dude and his “movement”. This guy brought me out of semi retirement, so forgive me if this post is a little disillusioned or over wrought

Someone with usually decent taste (read: doesn’t listen to Skrillex) sent me this video last year before it hit a gazillion views. I thought it wasn’t really for me and kept it moving. I was on my less hate in 2013 shit (Another reason I haven’t been blogging) and didn’t really wanna critize based on one song. And then I saw his other videos. Oh God. Oh dear God.

This guy is a focus group rapper.

He probabaly isnt the 1st. 50 cent was pretty much a focus group rapper. Remember that in that In Da Club Video. Big black man does exercises. Goes to club. Pops bottles. Gets bitches. This was what a rapper did. But then along came Drake and he changed the rules.

I don’t like to judge an man artistic abilities based on one song, ill give you a few listens before thinking your work is straight ass. And my friends, Macklemore’s stuff is straight ass.

The fact that he’d even name a song, Thrift Shop is inherently corny. It almost as corny as *insert new York rapper* making a song about timberlands in 2003 or Young Jeezy making a song called white tees in 2006. I know what your thinking- Nelly made a song called air force one’s too!


I would mostly agree that that was kinda wack too but at least Nelly was creative enough to name the song Air Force One’s rather than calling it “Footlocker”. He specified the exact kind of footwear that he liked- air force ones. He wasn’t on some i love all athletic basketball footwear kinda shit. But lo’ and behold this mawfucka names his song after the entire thrift stores. So he likes everything in the thrift stores, including the women’s sections? Including the 1970’s velour dresses too? Is that what’s hot in the streets? Fuck outta here son.

In the comparison I gave above, notice how I actually to mention a chain of footwear stores rather than just mentioning footwear stores.  Yet this Macklemore guy (what kinda name is that anyways?) just titles his song “thrift shop”- what kinda thrift shop is left to the listeners devices. Does he like goodwill, or salvations army, or even talize? So many questions!

If this title doesn’t scream focus tested rap- i don’t know what does. This is a conversation that I’m 99% sure went on at the label.

Label Fuckboi #1: “The focus group testing results arrived and consumers love songs with titles associated with a common clothing trend”

Label Fuckboi #2: “Like Nelly and Air Force One’s? We should get Nelly to do another shoe song!! Instead of air force one’s we should call it athletic basket ball shoes to appeal to an even wider range of people!!!”

Label Fuckboi #1: “Yes Yes. We would but he’s committed himself to now being a 2nd rate Flo-Rida (Click at your own risk. This might destroy your childhood memories.) so it wouldn’t work. Plus athletic shoes are no longer the rage. Focus group testing has shown a lot of listeners in the 18-34 demo have a particular infinity for shopping at stores like Goodwill”

Label Fuckboi #2: “Ooooh, lets call the new song Goodwill!!!”

Label Fuckboi #1: “No that’s much too specific. We need a name that will appeal to all thrift shoppers.”

Label Fuckboi #2: “Eureka. We should call it thrift shop!!!!!!”

Label Fuckboi #1 “Although you’re a fuck boy who says shit like “eureka” and yells cartoonishly in every sentence, i do agree with you; thrift shop is so marvelously non specific as to alienate almost no one”

I watched the video about three times to really take in the fuckery that I was witnessing and one scene really stuck out to me, the prominent black pimp in all pink. I didn’t mention it to the person I was watching it with for fear of being labeled a  ‘hater’.

So i watched another of his videos  where he campaigns for gay marraige–  This guy  is the most self righteous snooze fest this side of Paul Ryan

Macklemore As A Politician

I find it quite curious,  how there’s a convergence in mainstream media to brand gay marriage as the next great step in civil rights. I was exasperated when Jay-Z came out in full support after umpteen years of derogatory homophobic lyrics. Et tu mawfuka? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in favor of gay marriage before it become all trendy, when it wasn’t cool to rock mad skinny jeans and wear flower print blazers, which is why this sudden storm is particularly weird to me. Someone, somewhere is probably making money of this whole gay marriage thing. Who? Fuck If I know. I digress.

So what was my point again? Aaah yes, the veritable fuckboi named Mackelmore. In this song  he compares the gay marriage issue to the black civil rights issue of the 1960s.

Saying that its all the same, blah, blah, blah, black were chased with fire hoses so they cant discriminate. My problem is not with this message, but with whom it’s coming from, and yes that’s because he’s white. Let me explain.

I have told my fellow brethren this message for years, that blacks were discriminated against we cant really discriminate against others- it’s hypocritical. This technique works because the person I’m talking to and I can both relate to the experiences of being discriminated against due to the color of our skin. Coming from someone who hasn’t been privy, if you will, to such discrimination, it comes across as smug and pretentious a la Mackelemore. An analogous situation would be the way you talk about your family members. Its cool if you insult them, but its offensive when someone else insults them even when its the exact same things said. Why? Because an outsider isn’t privy to the shared experiences you’ve had with that family member which provides kinship. Similarly, members of any discriminated group have a sort of kinship via mutually experienced discrimination allowing them to admonish themselves to a harsher degree than outsiders. Macklemore hasn’t experienced this discrimination; therefore his comparisons come off as completely smug and pretentious.  He’s  the Paul Ryan of rap.

This is focus group rap of the highest order. Thrift shopping is hot. Lets make a song about thrift shopping! Gay marriage is hot. Let’s make a song about gay marriage! Goddamn fuckbois.

That Ryan Lewis makes some hot beats doe!

Fade To Black EP coming soon…



  1. Mike Dean's Cousin · · Reply

    His name alone has a corny ring to it, so I’m not the least bit surprised. Great post.

    …but what they know bout doing “doughnuts in the Range.”


  2. larkarama · · Reply

    I would totally agree with you… if I didn’t love Macklemore (Ben Haggardy). Meh, he’s Korny as hell, but I give him credit for writing songs about things that actually matter. I’d rather hear a rap song that supports gay marriage than one about money,cars, clothes, and ho’s any day.

  3. I can’t tell if this is a sarcastic piece or not… do know he’s independent so the “label fuckboi” part makes absolutely no sense

    1. The album was distributed by Alternative Distribution Alliance, an arm of Warner Music Group. Dont believe the hype.

      1. Just because he used ADA to distribute it doesnt mean your comments still arent completely off base. Last time I checked your distributor isnt exactly in the lab deciding what songs you write for you. And he’d cultivated his image long before he had anything to do with ADA.

      2. Bro, i used hyperbole to describe his artistic process. Its not that serious.

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