Movie Review: The Dark Knight Rises, Sponsored By The Illumunati

Hey y’all. Your boy Baythoven is gonna start reviewing movies now like Ebert & Roeper back in day, except completely unprofessional and totally biased. But like 2 times more awesome. Today’s edition is The Dark Knight Rises.

This is the finale (is it really ever though?) of the Batman trilogy by Christopher Nolan. Nolan has written and/or directed 3 of my top 10 movies of all time- Memento, Inception, Batman Begins- so saying I’m a biased might be a bit of an understatement. So I walked into this movie thinking it would the best movie this side of Godfather. And it was….kinda not that great.

Bane, leader of the 99%

There was a part where Bane, the villain in the story escapees from a bank robbery on a motorbike and swerves his way through like a hundred swat and police cars. Fuck outta here Chris! Either the cops in Gotham are as bad as real life cops or this is a giant plot hole. There are more scenes like that but your esteemed correspondent couldn’t take notes on my phone because the passive aggressive mawfuckas behind me starting coughing like it was 2002 and they had a bad case of SARS.

There’s one thing that the movie cell phone brigade couldn’t stop me from the noticing- this movies was sponsored BY THE ILLUMINATI!!!

In the city of Gotham (read: any city in America) there is a huge undercurrent of frustration due to the large socio economic inequalities. However instead of banding together in Central park and smoking weed, they band behind this masked killer who originated from West Africa. Like really, do I’ve to go over this again? They make it seems like every bad thing comes from West Africa. Drugs, AIDS, Nigerian prince email scams, and now comic book VILLAINS?! You have to be kidding me!

Back to the issue at hand. The 99% then band behind the masked killer Bane(never underestimate reefer madness!) who threatens to destroy and kill everything. Then comes a member of the 1%, Batman, to help the helpless plebs who made the mistake of not trusting the elite.

Doesn’t all of this sound oddly familiar?

Bankers and financiers screw the plebs of all their money in 2008 but then the same bankers (like Tim Geithner and co.) should be the ones to take us out of our problems. Because the problem is too complex! The plebs possibly can’t understand!! LOL.

This movie was clearly made buy the 1%(read: illumaniti) to warn the 99% of the dangers of revolt and keep them in their place. Keeping all of that in mind, I still fux with the movie, even though the ending was thoroughly unsatisfying.


  1. The point is that Batman could be anybody – that he isn’t Bruce Wayne, his identity isn’t revealed. He could be the guy next to you on the street, that anybody can do anything and save a people.

    It was a bit confusing, I’ll admit – the whole thing was very topical with the Occupy movement, and you had to think about what was really being said. You can’t trust the big force, the guy with all the cards, and you can’t rally behind a face.

  2. Anyone can afford a flying batmobile?

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